Zoosk Blog

  • April 13, 2014

    The Top 10 Most and Least Open-Minded Cities for Singles Will Surprise You

    When it comes to finding love, some people are more flexible on dating criteria than others; our latest Zoosk study identifies where these open-minded daters live. For our study, open-mindedness specifically describes how willing a person is to date someone different from himself of herself.

    After using advanced data technology to analyze nearly 1 million user conversations, our brilliant data nerds captured the following results:

    Final Zoosk_Most-and-Least-Understanding-Top-Cities-Infographic_Web_4.14.14


    If your city didn’t score highly on open-mindedness overall, you might find it ranked on specific dating criteria. We picked our hottest topics and figured out where the most and least open-minded singles live across the US.




    For more information, please direct your inquiries to press@zoosk.com. Like what you see? Find more dating infographics here.

  • April 11, 2014

    Tali and Steve: Perfect Chemistry in Bristol, CT


    When Tali and Steve were ready for something serious, they turned to Zoosk. “We knew what we were interested in–nothing fake or “just for fun,” writes Tali. Her faith in Zoosk’s Behavioral Matchmaking technology paid off; it led to a perfect introduction:

    “We couldn’t stop going back to each others profiles. There was an inexplicable attraction. Steve finally took the plunge and sent me a message. We both expressed our mutual attraction for each other and started chatting. Zoosk messages turned into FB messages, which turned into texts, phone calls and FaceTime. We met for brunch for our first date which lasted all day. It was an amazing day which neither of us will forget!”

    Tali and Steve have been together since their first date, and they can’t wait to enjoy more life experiences together in and around Connecticut. We wish them the best in life and in love!


    If you’ve met the love of your life on Zoosk, we want to hear all about it!  Let us know here, and we’ll feature your love story!




  • April 10, 2014

    ADVICE: Help! I’m in the Friend Zone

    Dear Joan Actually

    I definitely blew it. I’ve liked this girl for months, but she sees me as a friend. It’s at the point where she’s telling me about another guy she likes. I did everything I could to be a good dude–I brought her soup when she was sick and helped her get a new job. But, it’s like these things have worked against me. I want to make a move, but I’m not even sure it’s worth is at this point.  How can I get out of this friend zone?

    -Houston, TX

    Coat Puddle bg


    Ahh the friend zone—romantic purgatory for the overly accommodating. It’s where you’ll end up when your romantic interest likes you, but not in a romantic way. Getting friend zoned is frustrating and painful. Despite your best attempts to show your “friend” how well you could fit the role of significant other, your “friend” just doesn’t see it. It’s torture.  It’s also the closest you’ll come to feeling like a neutered animal.

    There’s no better expert on avoiding the friend zone than Psychology Today’s Dr. Jeremy Nicholson. With over 10 years of experience studying dating, relationships, and persuasion, he understands what you’re going through. I took some notes from his playbook to help you ditch the dreaded friend zone in 5 Easy Steps:

    1) Be Prepared to Walk  – Your friend zone problem stems from an imbalance; you value someone more than he or she values you. You can’t force someone to value your company, but you can choose to find someone that values you more. “If you’re not getting what you want it’s time to walk,” says Dr. Nicholson. Afterall, he adds, “being ‘needy’ is no way to negotiate.”

    2) Fill Your Calendar – We’ve all heard “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” right? Well, put that saying to the test. Create some space between you and your “friend”. Give this person the opportunity to miss you. “If they truly appreciate you,” adds Dr. Nicholson, “then your absence will make them miss you and want you more.” If, however, your absence has gone unnoticed, it’s time to move on.

    3) Entertain Other Options – Remember, you’re not taken. So, go ahead and meet some new talent. Then, casually bring up the new romantic possibilities to your “friend.” Why would this work? “Because people value the things they might lose,” says Dr. Nicholson. “If you are “busy” with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention.”

    4) Ask for Favors – Dr. Nicholson has surprising news: “Contrary to popular belief, people like you more when THEY do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them.” Apparently, the more “your friend” invests in you, the more valued you will become. Your days as an errand boy have ended; it’s time for you to relax.

    5) Appreciate Good Behavior – When your “friend” behaves the way you like—affectionately or romantically, for example—show your appreciation and reciprocate. In other words, reward the response you want. “Being attentive and affectionate, only when your friend does what you like, encourages your friend to continue those behaviors,” says Dr. Nicholson. “Also, ignoring him or her if he or she behaves badly helps to reduce unwanted behaviors.”



    Zoosk will never put you in the friend zone. So, go ahead. Tell us how you feel.

  • April 9, 2014

    Have You Met The One? 5 Questions to Ask Yourself

    1. Do you feel secure?

    When you are with the right person, it’s hard to imagine him or her being with anyone else. You don’t worry when your partner is out late or bumps into an ex, because you know–with certainty–that you are together.

    2. Do you share similar values?

    Having a partner who wants the same things out of life is an important factor for long-term success.  For example, if you’re interested in world travel whereas your partner is more interested in starting a family, you will inevitably encounter some big problems. However, if you both value similar things—lifestyle, family, career—your relationship is more likely to endure.

    3. Do you put each other first?

    If your partner’s opinions and feelings are a big part of your decision making by default, you’re already living as an “us” instead of living as a “part” of a relationship. When you both derive satisfaction from making each other happy, you’re well on your way to building a fantastic future together.

    4. If you fight, do you seek real solutions and make up quickly?

    If fighting is less about being right and more about solving problems and improving the relationship, you’re on the right track.

    5. Do you feel comfortable doing mundane things together?

    In life, there’s a lot of downtime between the fun stuff. Are you with someone who enjoys being with you at the grocery store, at your grandparent’s house, at the DMV? If so, you can relax. You’re with a long-term prospect.


    Posted by Joan Actually

  • April 4, 2014

    Bowled Over by Love: Laura and Jonathan’s Story



    Posted by Joan Actually

    Bowler Jonathan Ferrell will be competing for the Laughlin Cup this summer with his lovely wife, Laura, by his side. “She has changed everything for me and it feels great,” said Jonathan.

    Zoosk’s Behavioral Matchmaking technology introduced this couple in the nick of time. “I was just about to give up,” said Jonathan, “it had been three months and nothing was really clicking.” Once he spotted Laura, he waited patiently for days until she replied. Once she responded, Jonathan scheduled his last first date.

    “On our first date, I remember she reached out to hug me. The chemistry was instant. We had a great dinner and the conversation was very easy. 10 days later, I went to my best friend and said ‘That’s the one I’m going to marry. I don’t know when—but that’s the one.’”

    Just a month later, Jonathan and Laura got married in Vegas. “My friends told me I was crazy,” Jonathan said, “but I’m okay with that. She’s amazing.”

    Laura, like her husband, shared the same strong feelings immediately: ”I knew we were going to be together. I was very excited to marry him! He always does things to make me smile even though he’s working so hard.”

    Laura and Jonathan are looking forward to a happy future filled with romance and bowling success. We wish this lovely couple from Glendale, Arizona all the best!


    If you’ve met the love of your life on Zoosk, we want to hear all about it. Simply share your details here, and let your love story inspire others!

  • April 3, 2014

    ADVICE: Can I Date My Friend’s Ex?

    Dear Joan Actually

    I’ve got the biggest thing for my friend’s ex. She’s cute and awesome, and I always thought we would be good together. I really want to give it a shot without causing drama. Is there an easy way to do this, you know, without screwing my friend over?

    -Fort Wayne, IN


    Best Friends Ex Simple Ver 

    For this reason alone, I’m glad my friends only date boneheads. Since your friend has better taste, I’ve compiled 3 tips to help you preserve your friendship and get the girl.

    TIP #1 Be Honest.

    To avoid damaging your friendship, give your friend a heads up. “Mention your desire to date your friend’s ex in a private setting when your friend is in good spirits,” says dating expert, Stephany Alexander. “If you don’t tell your friend, you’re risking your friendship because he might feel like you are going out with his ex behind his back.” Since your friend will inevitably find out, you have nothing to lose–and everything to gain–by addressing your feelings early on.

    Ways to start the conversation:

    • Friends come first approach: “I understand things are over between you and your ex. I would like to ask her out to see where it goes. But first, I want to make sure that’s okay with you.”
    • Nonchalant approach: “I always thought your ex was awesome. Do you care if I give her a call?”
    • Dude, get over it approach: “It’s been a while since you and the ex went out. It’s cool if I call her, right?”

    TIP #2 Consider Timing.

    “Some people get over a relationship quickly; others grieve for a lifetime,” says Psychology Today’s Jeremy Nicholson. ”But if the friend initiated the break-up or if your friend has moved on to a more satisfying relationship, then it’s probably okay to date the ex.” Stephany Alexander determines the right time differently: “You can use the amount of time they went out to determine how long you should wait. If they dated for only a few months, you could consider mentioning your interest in the ex after 3-6 months.” Regardless of when you decide to bring it up, it’s important that you have this talk. 

    If your friend says no or dodges your question, reconsider dating the ex. Pursuing her might not be worthwhile if it costs you a close friend and, potentially, your friend group. “Conflicts between friends can force mutual friends to take sides,” says Dr. Nicholson. “It can fracture several friendships.” What will your social life will look like if it’s too awkward for your friend and his ex to attend the same events?

    TIP #3 Censor Yourself.

    If you have your friend’s blessing, congratulations. Now, make sure your friend doesn’t regret his decision by keeping the details of your new relationship private. “Keep your relationships separate,” says Dr. Nicholson. “The last thing you would want is your new girlfriend talking about her ex, right?” 


    Are you in love with the wrong person? We’ll sort it out together.  E-mail me at JoanActually [at] zoosk [dot] com.

  • April 1, 2014

    So embarrassing you’ll wish these were April Fools jokes…

    We asked our Zooskers: What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve heard on a date?


    Here are the top 5 best responses:

    Mal R: ”You remind me so much of my recently deceased mother. She really would have liked you.”

    Lynn B: ”You have a boogie on your top lip.”

    Michael B: ”Teach me how to kiss.”

    Alex S: ”What do you think of my chest?”

    Barbara F: ”Do you serve freeze dried animals?”


    We also asked friends to complete the following sentence: I knew my first date wouldn’t turn into a second

    date when _________.

    Joe D: She once got fleas from a stray cat.

    Ashley C: He told me the number of calories in the dessert I ordered, with raised eyebrows.

    Trish W: He had a mattress in the back of his van!

    Langdon M: She sometimes communicates with fish, which was one of the reasons she’d converted to veganism. She also suggested naked yoga for our second date… maybe I should have overlooked the fish thing.

    Sarah M: He crashed his car into a parked car and then left without leaving a note- hit and run!

    Natasha M: He was married, but they had an open relationship.

    Nick R: She was curious how meaty my kidneys are.

    Anne A: He really, really wanted to see my belly button.

    Martha D: It wasn’t what he said, it was that pinky ring…

    Matt S: She said therapy is a bunch of psycho-babble. (P.S. I’m a therapist)



    READERS: We’re looking for your best, worst and most embarrassing DATE stories. If your story gets picked, we’ll feature it on the Zoosk blog. E-mail your submissions to JoanActually [at] zoosk [dot] com.

  • March 31, 2014

    A Spark of Love

    For Brad and Julie from Santa Barbara, it was instant chemistry.

    After learning Brad’s preferences, Zoosk’s Behavioral Matchmaking™ technology introduced him to Julie. “When I first saw Julie’s photo on Zoosk, I stopped immediately and read her profile,” says Brad. “When I first saw her in person, I felt my life change.”

    Watch Brad and Julie describe how Zoosk brought them together—and why they couldn’t be happier. If you’re looking for that spark of love, join Zoosk today.

  • March 28, 2014

    Amanda’s Story: Ditching the bad boys, finding the BEST guy


    Posted by Joan Actually

    Things were looking bleak for Amanda in Binghamton, NY. “I was sick of wasting my time,” she said. “I went on a few dates, and it didn’t turn into anything. I started giving up hope.” Just when she was ready to give up, something about Ron’s profile captured her heart: “To be honest when I started looking, Ron was far from a guy I would normally go for. I usually go for the “bad boy” look, but Ron was far from that. Something told me to give it a try. And, boy, am I glad I did!”

    Three years after the first message, Amanda and Ron are married.

    “Ron is always the first person I know to jump and help someone else, even if he already has a million of his own things going on. He thinks about everyone before himself–especially me. He will do whatever it takes to make me smile. He’s very dedicated to whatever he has going on, that includes our relationship which is why our trust is so strong. The saying ‘you’ll marry someone like your father’ is so true. My dad and Ron are two peas in a pod, which is awesome to me because family is a HUGE part of my life. I’m so lucky.”

    Ron couldn’t be more perfect for Amanda; we’re so happy for your both!

    Have you found true love on Zoosk? We’d love to hear the details! Share your story here.



  • March 27, 2014

    ADVICE: He NEVER tips enough. What’s the deal?

    Dear Joan Actually

    What is the deal with bad tippers? I went out with a guy three different times–once at a lunch spot and two times at fancier dinner places.  He seems like a reasonable guy, but he leaves the worst tips! One time he only left a few dollars on a $100+ bill. It’s embarrassing and the BIGGEST turnoff. How can I bring this up without being insulting or unappreciative? Should I just nix this guy altogether?

    -Houston, TX


    Stingy Date FINAL SMALL 018


    A stingy tipper can kill the mood faster than your grandmother’s colonoscopy story. Whether he’s cheap or clueless–the reason won’t matter. It’s hard to feel chemistry when you’re feeling embarrassed and unimpressed. Your date is also failing to grasp the true economics of this situation: That extra $10 he saved himself on tip money has actually cost him a future with you. Since he has already invested 3 dates worth of time and money, he’s losing all of his principal investment.

    “Some people don’t tip because they feel the server didn’t do enough to earn it or perhaps the service was extraordinarily bad,” says The Bitchy Waiter, a sassy service industry blogger.  Many customers look for one single mistake to justify a lower tip, forgetting that if they make one single mistake at their job, their income doesn’t change. Some people don’t tip because they ‘don’t believe in tipping’.”

    When it comes to the appropriate tip amount, Patrick Maguire, author of the Server not Servant blog, says that “20% is the baseline for good service. Even if service is lacking, it would be tough to tip below 15%. A lot of people don’t realize that a server’s base pay is usually less than $3 an hour–that’s practically netting $0 after taxes. Tipping is a must. It’s part of our social contract in America.”

    Stingy tipping is a no-win situation for everyone. Save yourself the hot shame–and give a nod to your waiter–by bringing it up delicately.

    “It would be the apex of uncouth to be a guest at a meal and then chastise your host on the level of the tip,” says founder of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, Ms. Jodi RR Smith. “But if you’re planning on pursuing a relationship with this person, then his generosity levels should be gently discussed.”

    Make your point by setting the example or bringing it up in conversation.

    Teaching by Example

    • Go on your next date with plenty of small bills. When the check comes, say “You are so kind to take me out. Here, let me help with the tip.”
    • Take him on a date. When you handle the bill, say, “The server did a great job, I am going to leave 20%.”

    Discussing Tactfully

    • Emphasize the server’s appreciation: “Did you think the server did a good job? For a few extra bucks, let’s leave 20% and make her day.”
    • Downplay the additional dollar amount: “I used to be a server, so I know just a little bit more will go a long way.”



    At Zoosk, we always tip 20%. Questions? Comments? E-mail me at JoanActually [at] zoosk [dot] com.


    Fabulous Cartoon: Stephen Wright