3 Rules for Rekindling the Old Flame

by Matthew Talbot

Many of us have had the experience of coming across someone we dated previously, (maybe someone we took to the prom?) a few years later, and have felt an old ember of romance begin glowing again. Now that you have asked him or her out to catch up and see what might be next, what are some things to remember to help connect? Here’s 3 tips for rekindling the old flame:

1. That was then and this is now.

Whether your previous connection with your flame was a couple dates in high school or a more serious relationship, remember that intervening years and experiences have changed you both. Don’t expect to “pick up where you left off” though this may indeed happen. One of the pleasures of meeting an old friend (whether romantic or platonic) is seeing how they’ve changed since you last spent time together; savor this experience on your date.

2. Avoid “High School Reunion Syndrome”

It can be a big temptation to impress someone who we haven’t seen in years with a List of Our Awesome Accomplishments Since Then. While bringing your date up to speed on your life since you last saw one another, remember that this is not a job interview. Be yourself, and perhaps share a mildly embarrassing story from your life in the years since your last meeting – this will go a long way to connecting with your old flame and also dissolving tensions.

3. Watch Your Expectations

If your previous relationship was a more intense one, it can be a temptation to make all sorts of assumptions before your date about how it will go, and what sort of feelings the other party may have about you and your date. While the fact that you are going on a date is great, it is best to guard against getting too caught up in romantic expectations or fears. Just live in the moment on your date, and enjoy catching up with your old flame, and remember to be gentle with both yourself and your date.

About the author: Matthew Talbot works in Zoosk customer support.

Photo via Flickr. Attribution-NoDerivs, Creative Commons License.

To a Companion From Long Ago: Every once in a while, something comes along that just pierces through to long-dusty dreams, and I remember, clearly, the bloom and light of youth. I remember you sitting there in that school bus seat, sun playing with your hair, eyes shy, vulnerable, and behind a sheet of glass put there by my young and fearful mind. You were a vision, not just of beauty but of Hope itself, one I could only gaze at with sad and secret longing. You live now in Montana, last I heard, and I in Berkeley. That young man and woman are long and mercifully gone; but every once in awhile, when autumn sun hits a leaf just right, or diesel comes with a flash of yellow, I think of you, and remember, and know that young woman and man are purged of all sorrow and fear in the heaven of my memory. Maybe I’ll see you on Zoosk.

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