Flirting: the first step on your romantic journey


Written by Jean Smith, flirting expert and social anthropologist

People are looking for love and romance in their lives, but are often stuck on how to get it. Being proactive, getting out there, meeting people and being open is much more effective than sitting back and waiting for the man or woman or your dreams to sweep you off your feet. Ok, so you’re out there – now what? Flirt!

Here are 10 scientifically proven ways to meet your partner and find love.

1) Make a good first impression. Studies have shown it takes only a few seconds to make a first impression. Upon first meeting us, people pick up clues about us both consciously and subconsciously. They only know what we tell them, so project yourself in the way you’d like to be perceived. Follow these tips and techniques to make sure yours is a good one!

2) Be confident. People are attracted to confidence. The good news is that even if you are not feeling confident on the inside, you can always fake it on the outside the outside by standing tall with your head held high. Soon, these physiological indicators for confidence might just make you believe it yourself.

3) Like yourself. If, as the most important person in your world, you don’t like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

4) Smile. Smiles are easy to give and powerful to receive. Even when they are fake, the action of smiling produces oxytocin in the brain, promoting feelings of happiness. Besides, everyone looks more approachable, and like someone we would like to be around, when they smile.

5) Eye Contact. It is the most powerful flirting tool. In my research, it was the number one sign that made people understand when someone was flirting. The glances were more frequent, more intense, and lasted for longer. Women take note: it takes the average guy three looks before he begins to understand your interest.

6) Touch. When used appropriately, touch can be very effective in flirting. As a general rule, shoulders and higher up on the arm are considered ‘safe’ areas, as we move down the arm towards the hand, touch becomes more intimate. A light tap on the hand might be the perfect flirting tool for you to try.

7) Don’t be so quick to judge potential partners. Yes, looks are important, but how often have you started speaking with someone you weren’t initially attracted to, and they became a Greek god, before your very eyes! There is more to you than just your looks, just as there is more to others’ than their outside shell. Find out what is on the inside before you make your decision.

8) We all like to be feel special. It’s not all about you! Change your ‘me’ centred world to one of ‘other’ and feel the pressure and self-consciousness melt away. Make the other person your first priority. Focus less on yourself and how you are feeling and put your attention on the other person.

9) Take the ‘reject’ out of rejection. Rejection isn’t about you, it’s about the situation of the other person. Maybe they are tired, married, or you’re just not their type. The good news is that you are a million other people’s type … so go flirt with them!

10) Flirting is fun! Don’t look at flirting as something you are forced to do – flirting is a fun way to pass the time. Keep in light, fun, and pressure free. The only losers are those who don’t try…

About the author: Jean Smith aims to empower individuals in her personal one-on-one coaching sessions and public Flirtology Seminars, as well as Jean’s Flirting and Walking Tours of London. Both the personal coaching and the events combine Jean’s extensive knowledge of human behaviour and interaction with confidence-building and social skill acquisition techniques.