How to Talk to Women Online

Some men like to say that women are complicated. And they’re right! Women are complicated. But then, men are complicated too. Men and women are vastly different, but we’re all governed by basic social rules and norms. 

This article gives you guys out there a few quick tips on how to understand how women are different and master the social norms that make easy conversation possible. We’ve used data from real online daters to come up a with a few ways you can make sure that you’re online communications are strong.

Keep these things in mind and you’ll learn how to talk to women online:

So this might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people become disrespectful while communicating online. As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments. Communicating online can be hard. Some of the subtle nuances of your jokes or comments may be lost. So be careful, re-read what you’ve written, and get a feel for the woman and the conversation before getting more aggressive. You may think you’re being playful and she may think you’re a complete jerk.

Some Compliments are Better Than Others
Making compliments on an intellectual or emotional level, not strictly a physical level, can get you far online. A lot of guys lead with, “You’re beautiful,” or “You look amazing.” And ya, every girl likes to be complimented on her appearance, but chances are she’s heard this a lot and you’ll just look like every other guy messaging her.

Try mixing it up, and compliment her on something else. A woman is generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, or the worth of her personality than she is by comments about her physical appearance.

If you do compliment her looks, make it unique. Data from real online daters showed that women responded to messages that called out specific things about their looks—eyes, hair, or glasses—instead of words like beautiful.

Keep Talking – There’s No Playing Hard to Get Online
Sometimes the biggest struggle with talking to a woman, especially when you’re nervous, is to avoid running out of things to talk about. If the conversation stalls it can be a killer. So have a few go-to questions you like to ask people or a few go-to topics you like to bring up. Even if they’re a bit generic or boring, it’s good to have something ready. That way, if there’s a pause in the conversation you’ll be ready.

If you’re waiting to message her back, keep in mind that a lot of women like it when guys play hard to get. It’s mysterious, it keeps them guessing, it can drive them crazy, but it’s also part of the fun. Playing hard-to-get is all well in good when you’re offline, but online? Well, it just doesn’t work. According to data Zoosk collected from over 3 million conversations, if someone doesn’t reply within 24 hours, there’s a 94% chance you’ll never talk again.

Ask Questions
All people like it when someone is interested in them and wants to learn more. If you feel at a loss of things to say around a woman, ask about her taste in music, movies, or books. Find out what she enjoys most, what her job is, or even what she wishes her job is. Even asking what the last movie she saw, even if she hated it, can lead to a good conversation and help you get to know her.

Don’t Try Too Hard
The majority of women don’t appreciate it when men come across as arrogant, or as if they’re trying too hard to impress. The kind of bantering that happens between guys isn’t the same as the kind of communication that occurs between a man and a woman. So take it easy, don’t tell her about all the amazing things you do, what car you drive, or how you just got a new phone. If she’s interested, those are things she’ll notice and appreciate on her own. If you want to brag a little, and highlight what makes you a great catch, tell a story about something cool you did that you think she’d enjoy too. That way it’s not just about you.

Being too aggressive right off the bat can backfire. Data shows that first messages from men that mention dinner, drinks, or lunch, get 35% less responses. Don’t ask someone out in your very first message.

Be Honest About Your Past and Your Present
Women really respect a guy who’s honest and upfront right away. In a different exploration, Zoosk looked at the profiles of 3,956 subscribers and found that men who had profiles that mentioned divorce, separate, or my ex got 52% more messages. Similarly, men who mentioned son, daughter, teenager, children, or single dad saw an increase of 7%.

Chances are, you’re better at talking to women than you think. You just need a little practice. And that’s one of the best things about online dating—there are a lot of opportunities to get to know a lot of people. So have fun, flirt, ask questions, and you’ll have a date in no time.