By Juliet Ohai
Men like to complain that women are complicated. But, just because people — including women — are complicated does not mean that our lives are devoid of any universal rules or natural laws that govern aspects of our behavior. Men and women are vastly different, but we are all governed by basic social rules and norms. The purpose of this post is to help men talk to women more naturally and casually by understanding a few simple tips.
The thing women expect, more than anything else, is your respect.
As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.
Do not objectify women.
I’ve seen some of the emails that get reported on Zoosk for being inappropriate, and frankly they shock me. Why would it ever be okay for a man to email a woman he’s never met before, commenting on intimate aspects of her anatomy? Are you her gynecologist?
Misogyny will not get you dates.
This point is self-evident.
Take compliments to a cerebral or emotional level, not strictly a physical level.
Women are generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, the worth of her personality, than comments about her physicality. Telling a woman that you find her interesting is worth a thousand compliments about her looks.
Never comment positively on another woman’s looks around the woman you are trying to woo.
This is basic sense. Even if a drop-dead gorgeous supermodel walks across your path while you are with your sweetie, you should avoid mentioning it to your sweetie. Never tell your sweetie that you find another woman more attractive. Not even a woman in a magazine. Trust me.
Half the struggle of talking to women is just to keep talking.
I’m not saying you should talk non-stop without giving her a chance to speak. I’m saying that the biggest struggle is not to run out of things to talk about. You don’t have to say the most interesting things in the world. You just can’t say nothing.
When in doubt, ask about a woman’s tastes.
People love talking about themselves. If you feel at a loss of things to say around a woman, ask about her tastes in things. What kind of music does she like? What’s her favorite movie? Does she have a favorite book? If you need to, write these topics down in advance.
Don’t come across as arrogant.
Women hate it when men come across as arrogant, or as if they’re trying too hard to impress. I don’t know why men ever think it’s a good idea to be macho around women. The kind of bantering that happens between guys isn’t the same as the kind of communication that occurs between a man and a woman.
Don’t come across as too self-deprecating. Confidence is sexy!
A little bit of self-deprecation is cute, but if all you do is sit around expressing your insecurities… it’s a definite turn-off. Confidence is sexy.
Don’t give up the power too easy. But give it up eventually.
Here’s a big tip. Women like a little bit of a power struggle. We like it when guys play hard to get! Don’t make it too easy for us. BUT, we hate it when you start playing games. We love a bit of a power struggle, but games are for children.
Don’t push women into anything physical too quickly.
When you’re first getting to know a woman, don’t take the relationship into physical territory until you’ve established your parameters. Respecting a woman means letting her decide her comfort level when it comes to getting physical — NOT you dictating it for her.
Women love talking about their feelings.
Most women out there enjoy discussing their feelings. Asking her about her feelings is a great way of letting a woman know that you care about her and that her feelings matter to you.
DO be the sweet, charming man that every girl wants.
Pay attention to these basic rules, and be just that.
photo credit: alaskan dude