1. Forget clinginess. Between the long hours and being on call, doctors will let you have all the alone time you want.
2. Playing doctor has never been better.
3. Doctors know cool tricks like the Heimlich. Ballpark peanut blocking your airway? No stress. Your date can quickly reintroduce you to the culprit with a more aggressive hug.
4. They possess superhuman powers. They can go without sleep, food, or going to the bathroom for hours and hours.
5. Doctors have extensive hands-on experience with the human body. Hmmm.
6. They are great communicators. Bedside manner is a skill; doctors use it every day.
7. What’s going on under that white lab coat? Wouldn’t you like to know.
8. It’s impossible to gross them out. Ate something weird and need extra bathroom time? No problem.
9. Doctors tell the most disturbing, yet awesome, stories you’ve ever heard.
10. Your parents will be impressed—no meeting required.
Suffering from heartache or first date nerves? Our in-house love guru will nurse you back to health. Send your relationship problems to Joan Actually, and she’ll get you a diagnosis pronto.
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Posted by Joan Actually
“Meeting Scott was a totally different story. After just a week of dating, we were official. The first time I saw him, we just clicked. We had so many things in common–sports, movies, and country music–but there was just something about him. We had so much fun on our first date and then we went out on another date the very next day.”
Just seven months after becoming official, Jennifer and Scott got married. “I know it’s super fast,” she said, “but when you know, you know.” Scott has been not only a wonderful partner, but a wonderful father, as well. “He does things that no one else does and it really shows that he always has me on his mind,” Jennifer says, “he’s also a great father to our daughter; he takes family very seriously, and I love him so much for that.”
If you’re looking for love, Jennifer has some advice for you: “Go with your gut and don’t convince yourself that you have a type. You never know what could happen.”
Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary! We are so happy for you!
Have you met the love of your life on Zoosk? Don’t be shy! We’d love to hear from you. Share your details here, and let your love story inspire others!
Dear Joan Actually
First of all, I’m not a bad person. I went through my boyfriend’s phone because I want to make sure that he’s being honest with me. When I looked through I didn’t find anything. Instead, he had texts to his sister about how great I am. Now, I feel really guilty about invading his privacy. Should I tell him what I did?
The temptation to snoop is harder to resist than movie theater popcorn. When temptation strikes and that high road seems a little too high, get ready to find yourself in a bad place. No judgment. Really. I went off the deep end with phone snooping strategies that could put the NSA to shame. Thankfully, I got over my detective phase, but not before making a total ass of myself. To make sure you don’t make the same mistakes, I called in the experts.
“Snooping is pretty common, actually,” says Virginia Commonwealth University Adjunct Instructor Gail D. Moskowitz, MSW, LCSW. “It might take the form of looking at confidential information, rolling by a partner’s residence, or eavesdropping.” If you end up rummaging through your partner’s stuff, don’t expect to feel great afterwards. “Most probably feel remorse for snooping but cannot help themselves,” she says. “It can become a compulsion.”
Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, social and personality psychologist, suggests snooping stems from two causes: “The partner has specifically done something that appears untrustworthy or the individual has a pattern of feeling insecure and not trusting partners.”
Regardless of the cause, you can help yourself out by talking to your partner about your feelings. Tread lightly; bringing up your insecure feelings without blaming your partner can be tricky. “The best way to bring it up is to focus on the feelings and motivations,” says Dr. Nicholson.
“I felt a little insecure when you came home late the other night and didn’t call. How can we build more trust in this relationship, so that I don’t worry?”
“I have a hard time opening up and trusting people. You have not done anything wrong. I would just like you to help me feel more secure. Can we talk about it?”
Should you fess up about the snooping? Turns out both experts give you a pass, but Ms. Moskowitz adds the following caveat: “It is important to discuss your struggles, fears, and intuitions with whom you want to foster an honest and emotionally intimate connection.” Failing to bring up your uncomfortable feelings won’t make them go away. “These insecurities and secrets can eat into the core of a relationship,” she says.
These conversations are awkward, but they will help you through the hard part–getting the issue out in the open. The sooner you talk, the sooner you can bury the uncomfortable feelings and start relaxing with your guy and his phone.
Found yourself in a tricky situation? I’ve got therapists on speed dial. E-mail me at JoanActually [at] zoosk [dot] com.
Fabulous Cartoon: Stephen Wright
Zoosk’s unique Behavioral Matchmaking™ technology is now extending to your inbox. The same technology that figures out your best matches will now highlight your best messages, making it even easier to find the right person for you.
Less time sifting, more time dating. Priority Inbox highlights messages from your most compatible matches. When a great match sends you a message, this patent-pending feature will move the message to the top of your inbox. Less time in your inbox means more time for your most compatible matches.
A tailored online dating experience. We keep your online dating experience simple, so you can focus on finding real love. Our technology shows you the best matches, based on your behavior—not a long questionnaire. By tailoring your online experience to you, we’re making it even easier to find the right person.
In the next month, more than 25 million singles will be able to use this new feature. We’re confident that you will enjoy our latest matchmaking technology.
Posted by Joan Actually
Make every effort to be where you said you’d be. You want your date to feel comfortable and relaxed—not anxious or upset for waiting alone at a restaurant, party, or crowded bar. If you are running late, send your date a quick text message that includes 1., your ETA (that’s estimated time of arrival) and, 2., some positive affirmation.
“My boss dropped by my desk for an impromptu meeting, so I’ll be about 10 minutes late. Terrible timing on her part, because I’m excited to meet you.”
“The parking situation is a little crazy, but I’ll be parked and enjoying dinner with you in the next 10 minutes.”
You might think this one is just too obvious, but it is the single most important component of a successful first date. Everyone loves talking about themselves; however, the goal of the first date is to learn more about someone else. Talk about your interests and your opinions, but ask your date for his or her perspective.
“The new sushi place on Main Street has great atmosphere, but I think their sushi is just okay. How does sushi rank on your food hierarchy?”
“I used my vacation time in Europe, but next time I’d like to go to the Caribbean. Are you more into beaches or skiing?”
The first date is your opportunity to figure out if chemistry exists—that’s all. So, have some fun with it. Talk about things that make you laugh or interest you. Hopefully, you and your date share some common interests or, at the very least, want to learn more about each other’s hobbies. The first date is NOT the time to ask your date about future children, past relationships, or personal issues. It’s also not a good idea to discuss your vulnerabilities. In other words, your date should not know about your therapist or your brother’s stint in rehab. If the relationship progresses, there will be time for you to discuss the hard stuff, but the first date is not it. Relate, don’t unload.
Your date’s body language and facial expressions will help guide you—make sure you pay attention. If your “hilarious” joke doesn’t make your date laugh, you might want to rethink your content. Meanwhile, if your date pulls his or her chair in closer to yours or wipes some food off your cheek—congratulations—you are doing well.
At the end of your date, say thank you. Regardless of who initiated the date, you should thank your date for spending his or her personal time with you. Even if you didn’t make a love connection, your manners and consideration will end the night on a positive note.
Did I miss something? Don’t be a stranger. Say hello via e-mail: JoanActually [at] zoosk [dot] com.
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Posted by Joan Actually
Only two days after joining Zoosk, Jeanette met Steve, her fabulous new beau. She wrote: “Wow, did this happen fast! I am OVER THE MOON! I have never been happier. We are having SUCH an AMAZING time together.”
Although Jeanette initially indicated that Steve’s location in Laguna, CA made him ”geographically undesirable,” Steve didn’t give up.
From the first phone call, Jeanette was smitten:
“It was the night before my graduation, and we stayed up all night talking. We talked for so long that I almost missed my graduation ceremony the next day! I was supposed to give a speech, and I was too late to even do that. When I did meet Steve, it was amazing. He asked to hear the graduation speech I wrote and told me how wonderful and amazing it was. It was so lucky to meet such a kind, wonderful person. He is my mentor, my love, my knight in shining armor.”
Congratulations to Jeanette and Steve! We’re so happy for you!
At Zoosk, we make it our job to introduce you to the person of your dreams. If you’ve found your perfect match while using our site, please provide your story here. Let your love story inspire others!
Dear Joan Actually
I have a really embarrassing issue. Before I meet a date, I get really REALLY nervous and start sweating like crazy. I am a pretty confident guy at work and in most social situations, but for whatever reason, these dates are making me look like I just ran through a sprinkler. No classy lady wants a sweaty guy, right? Any advice on how to break the cycle?
Everybody feels some anxiety before a first date. Given the unknowns, it’s completely understandable. You could find yourself trapped with a picky eater who is allergic to everything except terrible commentary, or you could meet the love of your life. The first online date has three main purposes:
1) Confirm likeness to profile picture
2) Assess date for compatibility (re: sanity)
3) Determine probablity of second date
Between judging your date and getting judged yourself, some extra sweat is par for the course.
I had Dr. Lawrence G. Miller, functional wellness practitioner, give me the scoop on sweating: “When we feel heat or experience emotional stress, the hypothalamus, a part of your brain, will tell your sweat glands to get to work. Since armpits, palms, and soles of your feet have the most sweat glands, you’ll tend to have the most sweat stemming from these places. The armpits are the sweatiest area, however, because the particular type of sweat gland here can produce up to two times the fluid volume as a sweat gland on, say, your leg.”
As for a quick fix, an antiperspirant and deodorant is a must. “The antiperspirant will interact with your sweat to create gel that will plug up the sweat glands,” says Dr. Miller. “The deodorant will kill the odor-causing bacteria.”
Solution Part 1: Relaxing Before The Date
1. Breathe. By focusing on the breath, you instantly connect with the body. Keep the awareness of your breath low in your abdomen, on the inhalation imagine a balloon in your belly inflating, on an exhalation it deflates. This calms the body and mind.
2. Feel your feet on the floor and feel how your legs support you. Straighten the back, pull your shoulders back and release them down the back to open the chest. Neck long, as you stretch through the crown of the head. Relax the lower jaw and smooth your forehead.
Because I am quick to dismiss new age-y sounding advice, I guinea pigged Esther’s tips at my desk. You will feel more relaxed–and give up on sit-ups–after the pot belly breathing.
Solution Part 2: Putting it all on the Line
If you’re on the date and feeling soggy, address it quickly and move on. While you’re at it, win yourself some bonus points by attributing the extra sweat to your nervous, yet positive feelings.
“You’re fantastic. And, because I know how fantastic you are, I can’t help but feel nervous and get a little sweaty.”
“You don’t look intimidating, but I feel jittery when I’m around you. I’m just excited to get to know you.”
The sooner you can stop worrying, the sooner you can nix those sweat-related conversations.
Need some help or advice? I’ll consult the experts. E-mail me at JoanActually [at] zoosk [dot] com.
Fabulous Cartoon: Stephen Wright
Posted by Joan Actually
When it comes to online dating, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by choices. Not all dating sites are created equally; many are confusing, some are for very “interesting” users, and others are totally sleazy. With nearly 1 in 3 marriages stemming from online dating, you can’t afford to be wasting time on the wrong site.
Zoosk’s interface is not only easy to use, it’s built to showcase your best matches clearly and easily. Chatting, e-mailing, and sending flirty winks are easier than ever. We want you looking for love–not figuring out how to use the site. Since we’re the #1 Dating App, it’s safe to say we provide the best user experience possible.
The best part? Getting started is easy. Instead of spending hours filling out a lengthy questionnaire, you can start your online dating after finishing a brief narrative. Zoosk’s unique Behavioral Matchmaking™ technology will take care of the rest.
But don’t take our word for it. Watch Mike and Kristy, another happily married Zoosk couple, tell you their story.
Posted by Joan Actually
Aaron was looking for love and didn’t know exactly where to start: “I knew the bar scene wasn’t going to be the right place. So, when that free trial for Zoosk showed up, I thought–why not?” Good thing Aaron gave Zoosk a try. If he hadn’t , he would’ve missed Nikki, the love of his life.
So, how did their love story begin?
“Her picture showed her looking cute in a sweatshirt in front of a local wing place. She had this beautiful smile and looked really happy. This was a profile that could not be faked. She was real and looked totally comfortable being herself. I gave her a wink and then I sent her a message. I knew I had to join Zoosk to keep the conversation going. It was worth it.”
A first date over bingo couldn’t have gone better: ”So, I can’t stand bingo, but I knew if I wanted to meet this girl. I was going to play some bingo. I remember talking to Nikki the whole night. It must’ve looked like we were having fun because one of the other bingo players asked us how long we’ve been married! I drove Nikki home after bingo to make sure she got there safely. Right before I dropped her off, I gave her a kiss. I tried to get a second one, but she denied it– I knew right then that she was the one for me.”
This happy Zoosk couple is getting ready for a spring wedding in Mapleton, ND! We couldn’t be happier for them!